If the offer is "all or nothing," the Toronto Maple Leafs have inevitably settled for the latter.
They haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1967, which also was their most recent appearance in the Stanley Cup Final. Their seasons either end with the muted disappointment of air slowly seeping out of their party balloons or in absolute calamity, depending on their postseason proximity to the Boston Bruins.
They are the Charlie Brown, Lucy and the football of professional hockey, with fans and reckless idealists like yours truly annually convinced they're going to connect on a kick before falling flat on their backs yet again, bellowing, "Good grief!" to an unsympathetic populace.
Because of this history and the intense media market in which they play ("The Centre of the Hockey Universe," as it's known), the Leafs are constantly under an electron microscope of attention, their defects revealed at an atomic level. Why anyone in that position would want additional scrutiny is beyond me.
So color me baffled as to why Toronto would choose to chronicle its pain by signing up for Amazon Studios' latest season of "All or Nothing," which is filming the Leafs' 2021 campaign right now.
"For a Canadian team, and especially an Original Six Canadian team, there's a ton of scrutiny. I don't think that changes because Amazon is following us around," Maple Leafs president Brendan Shanahan told ESPN recently.
"Like, if we fall short of our own expectations, we're not going to say, 'Damn, too bad Amazon is here or else this could have slipped under the radar.'"
Shanahan said that the NHL reached out to Leafs about doing the show. They're the first NHL team to participate in the series, joining a prestigious group of former participants: three NFL teams, including the Dallas Cowboys; the All-Blacks New Zealand rugby team; and Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur from the English Premier League.
Steve Mayer, the chief content officer for the NHL, said the league has been pestering Amazon for three years about getting one of their teams featured on the show.
"Last year, we got close, and for a multitude of reasons it didn't work out. When we were in the bubble, we thought about reintroducing all types of programming," Mayer said.
All types of programming, and this pressure cooker is what they chose for the Maple Leafs? Personally, I think there were other clear options for the team:
"Cobra Kai" -- One of Johnny Lawrence's dojo lessons is, "The best defense ... is more offense." The Leafs, in unison: "YES, SENSEI!"
"Willie on the Street" -- It's Billy Eichner's aggressive sidewalk game show, except it's Leafs general manager Kyle Dubas running around Toronto with William Nylander, sticking a microphone in the faces of 200 hockey men and screaming, "HELLO, DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS PERSON DOES MORE THAN JUST SCORE?!"
"Naked and Afraid" -- In which Joe Thornton reprises his turn in the ESPN Body Issue by playing the entire 2020-21 NHL season in the buff, with a giant beard and a Maple Leaf painted on his chest, which we imagine is his preferred uniform. (Not that we imagine Joe Thornton ... never mind.)
But no, it's "All or Nothing."
Why the Leafs, and why this season? It's because Amazon sees Canada as an area of growth, and Toronto, at last check, is in fact in Canada.
"At Amazon, we start with the customer and work backwards, with this winning formula the choice of the Leafs for 'All or Nothing' was easy," said James Farrell, vice president of Local Originals at Amazon Studios. "There is no limit to the drama that happens. We're fortunate that amidst the changes due to COVID-19 the drama has only been heightened, and this is a season like none before it."
This is true, which begs the question: How do you go about chronicling a team with "all access" during the time of COVID-19?
The Amazon crew is tested every day, following the COVID-19 protocols "like they're members of the team," according to Mayer. There are certain rooms that are restricted due to league safety protocols. To get around that, they're using 12 remote cameras around the arena.
One of the hallmarks of these shows is chronicling life away from the team for the players and coaches, which offers its own challenges in this edition. But where "All or Nothing" differs from, say, "Road to the NHL Winter Classic" or some such is that it's filmed throughout the season, rather than for weekly episodes.
"We appreciate that as the season goes on things will be different. We don't have to do everything right now. We can wait until hopefully the vaccines come a little more online and the protocols change. Like, we don't need to see Mitch Marner's kitten today, because hopefully the kitten will still be here in May," Mayer said.
(Yes, hopefully!)
I asked Maple Leafs coach Sheldon Keefe about having the Amazon cameras around and whether it's been a disruption.
"The first couple of times that they're here and present you're mindful of it for sure. But they've really just become part of our staff. They're on the road with us. They're testing every day. They're blending in as other members of the staff," Keefe told me this week. "But it's really felt natural. Even though I'm miked up most of the day. And since this stuff doesn't come out until after the season, we've been pretty open and honest about things. I mean, it's 'All or Nothing' for a reason."
Keefe makes a good point: "All or Nothing" is unlike other reality series the NHL has participated in because it is filmed all season and then cut together as a series -- rather than having storylines pop up unexpectedly week to week when the shows air.
This format was a critical reason the Leafs were down with doing the show.
"A huge difference for us is that this is a show where they capture content throughout the season. The actual episodes don't air until the offseason," Shanahan said. "There was no concern that stories or storylines would come out in the middle of the season and be a distraction to the players or a coaching staff. That's what made the players and the coaches more comfortable about the concept."
There's always a risk with participating in a show like this. Things happen on camera, and they can come to define you. I have no idea what Ilya Bryzgalov's save percentage was in 2010-11, but I know he believed the universe is "hu-MANG-ous beeg" because I saw it on HBO. I couldn't tell you what Randy Carlyle's career coaching record is, but I know the man didn't know how to operate a toaster once.
But the Leafs know what they're getting into. In fact, Dubas is an "All or Nothing" superfan, specifically the Man City season. He would quote scenes back to the Amazon producers during their meetings.
"He was the guy that was so instrumental in this," Mayer said of Dubas. "A huge proponent who talked to his players about how huge it would be to do the show."
The players know what they're getting into, as well, because this kind of attention isn't as rare as it was when the HBO cameras were first trained on NHL teams.
"I just think that with this generation, this is what the players have following them around to their hotels and their meals and their meetings. This is what their world is now. It's not unusual to have this kind of access," Shanahan said. "There's a distinction that the players find with projects like this. They enjoy the scrutiny. They enjoy having this presence."
All that said, when your team hasn't been to the Stanley Cup Final since 1967, agreeing to participate in a show like this might feel akin to agreeing to internationally broadcast your own annual physical.
Is it better for Amazon if this is another disastrous run for Toronto or is it better if Charlie Brown finally kicks the football?
"As a true Leafs fan, I always plan on them bringing home the Stanley Cup every season," Farrell said.
"It has the potential to be a great show if we make it one," Shanahan said.
As the title says, it's "all or nothing" as usual for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Three things about COVID-19 and hockey
1. The situation between the Buffalo Sabres and New Jersey Devils this week is the first real break in ranks that we've seen in the NHL during the COVID-19 pandemic. Buffalo believes the Devils' outbreak necessitated both teams postponing a week of games -- and they're angry about it.
For the uninitiated: The Devils had a few players on the NHL COVID-19 absence list heading into Saturday's game in Buffalo. Winger Kyle Palmieri was added to that list on Sunday before their rematch. On Monday, four more Devils were added to the list. By Wednesday, their number stood at 17.
By Wednesday, the Sabres had four players of their own in the protocol. Multiple sources told me that Buffalo players were frustrated that the game on Sunday was allowed to happen, as it's possible the Devils' outbreak spilled over to the Buffalo roster. They've spoken at length to the NHLPA about it this week.
John Vogl of The Athletic spoke with NHL deputy commissioner Bill Daly, who said "no concerns were expressed on Sunday's game." Therein lies the problem: Were the Sabres aware that Palmieri had been added to the COVID-19 list? Was everyone forthcoming with what they knew about the Devils, as nearly a full roster of players is now in the protocol? Is this a problem with testing lag, and something that points to the necessity of more rapid testing?
The NHL, NHLPA and its teams are all making the best out of a bad situation. But this was the first time it felt like a team was rightfully challenging a potential inefficiency in that system, one that may have that sparked an outbreak on their team. Ask any epidemiologist: Testing and isolation are the keys to this season. The NHL might need more of both.
2. As someone who has covered the NWHL since its inaugural game, I was crushed to see their Lake Placid tournament fall short of its final two rounds, as the season was suspended due to rising COVID-19 numbers and concerns.
For the first time in forever, this league had some buzz to it. The Twitch streaming numbers were strong. The corporate partnerships were growing. The play on the ice, perhaps due to the truncated season, was stronger than in years past. Above all else, it had a national television spotlight on NBCSN for the semifinals and finals.
But let's be real: Completing this season was a hope, not a certainty.
The only way to make a bubble work is to have rigid protocols on quarantine and social distancing, and have buy-in from all involved. The reason "bubble" is on quotes is because it was in name only -- the NWHL literally changed its terminology to "restrictive access environment" as the season started spinning out of control. Bubbles have effective quarantines leading up to the tournament. Bubbles have strongly enforced protocols once the tournament starts. The NHWL, for a variety of reasons, had neither. "It wasn't a true bubble," as one source close to the tournament told me. "A lot of error comes from [poor] communication."
It's a shame that the tournament got this close to the finale and had to be suspended, despite the loss of two teams along the way. But it's not a surprise, given the chances it had to actually succeed.
That said, I agree with NWHL commissioner Ty Tumminia: There are a lot of positives to draw from this experience, and I hope the streaming numbers and quality of play are the takeaways for potential partners for the still-fledgling league.
3. I had more than a few people reach out to me about my piece on Minnesota Wild rookie Marco Rossi, whose season has been derailed due to complications from a COVID-19 infection last November. From the feedback, it's clear that we haven't done a good enough job exploring the long-term impact this virus can have on respiratory and pulmonary health; or at least haven't explored the issue enough in light of the mountain of coverage in which a player gets COVID-19, rests, recovers and scores two goals in his first game back.
As Dr. Isaac Bogoch, an infectious disease expert based in Toronto, told me: "I think it's fair to say that we need to be humble. We've only know this infection has existed for about a year. It's not fair to say we have all the answers, because we clearly don't. By and large, a lot of people that do have persistent symptoms tend to get better and better with time. But some don't."
Something to keep in mind as we cross 90 players who have appeared on the NHL's COVID-19 absences list for various reasons.
Winners and losers of the week
Winner: Tyler Toffoli
All due respect to the Aquilini family, but I believe Tyler Toffoli is now the primary owner of the Vancouver Canucks. The Montreal Canadiens winger had nine goals in his first 10 games this season, and eight (!) of them came in five games against his former team, the Canucks. To me, this is a valentine to Vancouver. Toffoli hated leaving the city as an unrestricted free agent so much that he's taking his passionate rage out on the team that denied him. You see the one-man demolition of an NHL team's defense. I see love.
Loser: Jim Benning
The Canucks GM can absolutely justify letting goalie Jacob Markstrom walk. He can rationalize letting Christopher Tanev leave. There are not points of free-agent contention. But it never made sense to let Toffoli, their big trade deadline coup last season, slip away. He's a bona fide top-six forward who can be a perfect complement to Vancouver's young stars, and they already had proof of concept that he worked with them. Benning's rationale, to The Province this week: "We kind of ran out of time with him getting offers and one he needed to take. We would have had to move money out." He also said the Canucks had enough offense. They're 11th in goals per game this season, down from 8th. High fives all around.
Winner: PWHPA
It's with a palpable amount of irony that the Professional Women's Hockey Players Association, created by a collection of national team stars who didn't want to support the NWHL, announced on the same day the Lake Placid tournament was paused that the New York Rangers are hosting the first women's professional game at Madison Square Garden on Feb. 28. The Rangers became the first NHL team to partner with the PWHPA as well.
Loser: Phrasing
Toronto Six coach Digit Murphy was trying to draw a distinction between the Connecticut Whale, who left the NWHL tournament out of concerns over COVID-19, and her team. Some of these words probably should not have made the cut: "Coming into the bubble from where we were in complete lockdown in Canada was a huge risk for us. Our players had no problem coming in. We felt 100% safe. All we wanted to do was play the game. We would have died if we could have played the game. We would have died if we could have played against Minnesota [for the Cup]. Our kids just wanted to play hockey. They were safe. They were looked after. We knew when we came in that it was a risk, because we were going from like 100 cases to 100 million cases. But we wanted to play." (Yikes.)
Winner: K'Andre Miller
It's absolutely atrocious how this stellar rookie keeps getting drawn into situations he didn't ask for. First it was his introductory Zoom call that was hijacked by racists. Now it's a debunked tale of a "stolen" first-goal puck, one that was meant to further tarnish disgraced defenseman Tony DeAngelo as the latter leaves the New York Rangers. Miller is too good of a player, and a person, to have to keep enduring this. Let the kid play.
Loser: Hockey culture
Tony DeAngelo, 25, was suspended twice in juniors for violating the OHL's harassment, abuse and diversity policy, including a slur directed at a teammate. The Rangers held his hand through "maturity issues" in 2019, and they distanced themselves in 2020 from his social media tirades that ranged from political trolling to COVID-19 denial. In 2021, he reacted poorly after being benched, was warned he could be waived if his behavior didn't improve, and then got into a fistfight with teammate Alexandar Georgiev after an overtime loss. The Rangers waived him and declared he would never play for them again. Yet because DeAngelo is a defenseman who can move the puck and quarterback a power play, chances are he's on another NHL roster by the end of this column. Hockey culture, folks.
Winner: Ovechkin tchotchkes
New Alex Ovechkin bobblehead from @FOCOusa!!! https://t.co/NFYZulaBss
— Capitals Outsider (@CapsOutsider) February 3, 2021
In the pantheon of great Alex Ovechkin bobbleheads, the "Hot Stick Celebration" ranks somewhere between "The Goal" and that one where it looks like he's singing opera. Admittedly, a wide range.
Loser: Sasquatches
The Seattle Kraken are reportedly working on their first mascot, and it isn't going to be Squatch. The SuperSonics mascot was considered and then rejected because the Sonics could return soon. To that we say, "WHO CARES?!" Squatch is iconic! You could have had your own Youppi!, the Montreal Canadiens mascot that they've borrowed from the Expos until Montreal gets baseball again. (In theory.) Oh well, I guess enjoy your several million dollars in additional revenue from an adorable squid Gritty instead.
Puck headlines
Winnipeg columnist rants about how unfair it is the Columbus Blue Jackets got to have Patrik Laine in their lineup before the Winnipeg Jets got Pierre-Luc Dubois got into theirs. "One solution would have been ordering that players going from a Canadian to American team have to spend the same amount of time in isolation as those going the other way."
Duncan Keith talks about taking so many shots on goal: "Getting the Corsi up, so you guys think I'm good."
My favorite story of the week: Zdeno Chara's hockey sticks mistakenly sent to random New Jersey NBA fan.
How terrible is this season for the Ottawa Senators? The numbers don't lie. "You can't argue that the Ottawa Senators are never interesting."
Ron Cook of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: "Matt Murray has gone from hoisting the Stanley Cup in June 2017 for the second consecutive season as a key player with the Penguins to being the worst goaltender in the NHL in February 2021 with the Ottawa Senators. I'm fairly certain a few athletes have fallen faster, further and harder, but I'll be darned if I can think of one."
Good timeline on the NWHL's Lake Placid mess from The Ice Garden.
The NHL arena rankings. Vegas over Montreal echoes how the players feel, too.
Finally, Ken Wiebe presents the censored version of Paul Maurice's epic clapback on criticism of captain Blake Wheeler:
#NHLJets HC Paul Maurice provided a staunch defence when asked about the play of captain Blake Wheeler this afternoon: pic.twitter.com/111i8waxuh
— Ken Wiebe (@WiebesWorld) February 3, 2021
In case you missed it from your friends at ESPN
Emily Kaplan wrangled this week's power rankings, which feature the biggest disappointments for each team.