The Stanley Cup is something that sets the National Hockey League apart from other sports. Not only because it's the rare championship trophy from which you can drink, but also because the names of those who won it are etched along its rings, forged into hockey history.
Oh, the names hockey has produced. Gretzky. Orr. Yzerman. Ovechkin. These are memorable names because these are legendary players. But another thing that sets hockey apart are the names that are memorable not because of the player's goal total or championship wins, but because this actual living breathing person is named Zarley Zalapski or Miroslav Satan.
With the NHL in its offseason, your friends at ESPN decided it was time to determine the greatest of all the NHL's oddest and most glorious player names. We've compiled 64 of them into four different regions in a bracketed tournament:
Old-school region, with the players from yesteryear.
Modern North American region, with players from North America who were active for NHL franchises in the past dozen years.
Modern international region, with players from outside of North American who were active for NHL franchises in the past dozen years.
Actual objects region, with players whose names are, or sound like, actual things.
Almost all of the players in this tournament played in the NHL, with one exception given to a current NHL prospect.
While we accepted nicknames based on first names, we did not include players known by their nicknames. While we agree that Lorne "Gump" Worsley, George "Punch" Imlach, Joseph "Toe" Blake, Harold "Punch" Broadbent, Modere "Mud" Bruneteau, Aubrey "Dit" Clapper, Elmer "Moose" Vasko, Eldon "Pokey" Reddick and others are stone-cold classic hockey names, we've taken them out of the tournament field. Obviously, we're trying to make a bracket for all to see, so we kept it family friendly, in case you were looking for some notorious names.
You can download the bracket here and play along. If you'd like to submit yours for fun through social media, tweet it to ESPN with the hashtag #NHLNameBracket.
Today, we're featuring a look at the field. On Tuesday, we'll have staff picks and winners.
Old-school region
No. 1 Bronco Horvath vs. No. 16 Ebbie Goodfellow
Our top seed played 434 games in the NHL from 1955 through 1968, and was the first test of our "no nicknames" policy: His full name is, in fact, Bronco Joseph Horvath. Ebbie Goodfellow, full first name Ebenezer, is a Hockey Hall of Famer from the Detroit Red Wings (1932-43) who must have been absolutely sick of hearing "Ebbie's a jolly Goodfellow" after around the second time he heard it in the locker room.
No. 2 Zarley Zalapski vs. No. 15 Dave Snuggerud
Defenseman Zarley Zalapski (1987-98) was named for professional golfer Kermit Zarley, which is a choice. Dave Snuggerud played 265 games in the NHL from 1989-93, and sounds like a child is trying to mash up the antithetical words "snuggle" and "rude."
No. 3 Sprague Cleghorn vs. No. 14 Merlin Malinowski
Henry William Sprague "Peg" Cleghorn is a Hockey Hall of Famer who spent most of his 10-season NHL career from 1918-28 in Montreal, but also played for a team called the Renfrew Creamery Kings. Merlin Malinowski (1979-83) was in fact nicknamed "The Magician," bucking hockey culture norms that traditionally would have resulted in him being called "Merlsy."
No. 4 Parris Duffus vs. No. 13 Dino Ciccarelli
Goalie Parris Duffus appeared in one game with the Phoenix Coyotes in 1996-97 to make the cut here. It's pronounced "Duff-us," although we're sure that's not how some people choose to pronounce it. Hall of Famer Dino Ciccarelli remains one of the great names to hear an announcer bellow after scoring a goal (and he scored 608 of them in a career spanning from 1980-99).
No. 5. Uwe Krupp vs. No. 12 Frank McCool
The full name of the hulking German defenseman (1986-2003) is Uwe Gerd Krupp, which means he ends up here with any combination of those names. McCool was a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs from 1944-46 whose last name is also the desired temperament for his position.
No. 6 Jeff Beukeboom vs. No. 11 Daren Puppa
A 6-5 physical defenseman named Beukeboom is like something out of a hockey comedy script; this one played in the NHL from 1987-99. Goalie Daren Puppa's name is self-explanatory; but if you need more explanation, please note his nickname was "Puppa Scoopa" in various stops around the league from 1985 to 2000.
No. 7 Zigmund Palffy vs. No. 10 Larry Playfair
His name in Slovak is "Žigo," but he's better known as Ziggy Palffy to you, and he played in the NHL from 1993-2006. Playfair had 1,814 penalty minutes in 688 NHL games from 1979 to 1990, as well as an apparent appreciation for irony.
No. 8 Guy LaFleur vs. No. 9 Stu Grimson
Who takes this one: The Canadian hockey royalty who played from 1971-1991 nicknamed "The Flower," or the infamous brawler from 1989 to 2002 nicknamed "The Grim Reaper?"
Modern North American region
No. 1 Cal Clutterbuck vs. No. 16 Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond
Clutterbuck's name sounds like a check that rattles the boards, which makes sense in that the Islanders forward has led the NHL in hits on multiple occasions. Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond payed 41 games in the NHL from 2008 to 2014. If you were a fan who had his jersey, we hope the pricing on that name plate wasn't by the letter.
No. 2 Barclay Goodrow vs. No. 15 Vincent Lecavalier
Goodrow is a forward for the Tampa Bay Lightning who keeps a top hat, cane and monocle in his locker. Lecavalier could have been in the "actual objects" bracket through translation; but better we stick with the flowery French-Canadian name that yielded the nickname "Vinny The Horseman."
No. 3 Greg McKegg vs. No. 14 Kevin Shattenkirk
A hockey player with "Keg(g)" in his name, and the first name rhymes with it? Perfection. New Anaheim Duck Kevin Shattenkirk has famously worn No. 22 during his career, and his Twitter handle is @shattdeuces.
No. 4. Slater Koekkoek vs. No. 13 Boone Jenner
For the uninitiated, Koekkoek is in fact pronounced like "Koo-Koo"; he's currently a free agent but spent 2019-20 with the Blackhawks. Boone Jenner is a great hockey name, even though it sounds like the Blue Jackets center should be skating in a Davy Crockett hat.
No. 5 Marc-Andre Cliché vs. No. 12 Dustin Byfuglien
A guy from Rouyn-Noranda, Quebec, named Marc-Andre, playing in the NHL for 151 games? Cliché, indeed. Byfuglien was a thunderous forward-turned-defenseman from 2005-19, and it's fantastic that one of the largest men in the NHL had "Buff" in his name. Solid.
No. 6 Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre vs. No. 11 Justin Abdelkader
Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre, who played from 1998 to 2004, is such a gloriously over-the-top name that we will formally petition the films division at Disney to have Gaston from "Beauty and the Beast" rechristened as "Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre." Justin Abdelkader has had his name confused with both alligator and applicator, so perhaps an Abdelkader is something an alligator uses to apply foundation.
No. 7 Rob Klinkhammer vs. No. 10 Jonathan Cheechoo
What a travesty that Rob Klinkhammer was a serviceable journeyman forward from 2010 to '16 instead of a thunderous defenseman with that name. Cheechoo, who has a Rocket Richard trophy on his career résumé, is a member of the Cree First Nations tribe from Moose Factory, Ontario. He was also the inspiration for "The Jonathan Cheechoo Song," a truly diabolical "goal song" that went viral in his honor.
No. 8 Guillaume Latendresse vs. No. 9 Derek Boogaard
Guillaume Latendresse played seven seasons with the Montreal Canadiens, and by that we mean he was legally obligated to play seven seasons with the Montreal Canadiens for being named "Guillaume Latendresse." The late, great Derek Boogaard had a name that was tailor-made for pugilism and an incredible nickname: "The Boogeyman."
Modern international region
No. 1 Miroslav Satan vs. No. 16 Kaspars Daugavins
One of the true heartbreaks in the modern NHL was that in his career spanning from 1995 to 2010, Miro Satan never (A) played for the New Jersey Devils nor (B) wore the No. 6. Kaspars Daugavins played 91 games from 2009 to '13, and his last name is pronounced "Dog-a-vins."
No. 2 Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen vs. No. 15 Nail Yakupov
While we were steadfast in making this an NHL-only tournament, we decided the awesomeness of goalie Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen was too great to leave out of the mix, so we made an exception. He's a Buffalo Sabres prospect who played for their AHL affiliate last season. Nail Yakupov could have been at home in the "actual things" region. Alas, his moniker may have been the best thing about his NHL career, which lasted from 2012 to '18 after he went first overall in the 2012 draft.
No. 3 Jyrki Jokipakka vs. No. 14 Ilya Kovalchuk
Jyrki Jokipakka was an NHL defenseman from 2014 to '17 and is a tremendous Scrabble score. As for Ilya Kovalchuk -- in the NHL from 2001 to '13, and from 2018 to the present -- we've always enjoyed that one of the best Russian players of all time had a name reminiscent of the Canadian "-chuk" legacy of players, like Dale Hawerchuk and Dave Andreychuk.
No. 4 Nino Niederreiter vs. No. 13 Radko Gudas
Could Nino Niederreiter, the Carolina Hurricanes' Swiss forward, be the greatest "Nino" in pro sports history? If not, then definitely the best "Niederreiter." Meanwhile, if a group of scientists went into the lab in an attempt to concoct the quintessential name for a brutish hockey defensive defenseman, the byproduct of their labors would have been "Radko Gudas," who just signed a three-year deal with the Panthers.
No. 5 Kaapo Kakko vs. No. 12 Niklas Hjalmarsson
"Kaapo" is actually a Finnish variant of the name Gabriel, which in Hebrew means "God's bravest man." Kakko is a type of Finnish barley wheat bread, baked mostly in the region of Satakunta. The official nickname for Arizona defenseman Hjalmarsson is "The Hammer," but he has also been called "Super Nintendo Hjalmarsson," which is a heck of a deep cut from "The Simpsons."
No. 6 Radek Bonk vs. No. 11 Teuvo Teravainen
Bonk's first season in the NHL was 1994, just four years after the release of "Bonk's Adventure," a video game in which a caveman used his large bulbous head to attack enemies. Teuvo Teravainen is, of course, Finnish for "Nino Niederreiter."
No. 7 Zemgus Girgensons vs. No. 10 Pekka Rinne
Sabres forward Zemgus Girgensons was famously voted into the NHL All-Star Game by Latvian fans, and was the inspiration for a hip-hop song in his honor. Predators goalie Pekka Rinne is the second-best NHL player of all time with a pasta-adjacent name, behind Mark Recchi.
No. 8 Tuukka Rask vs. No. 9 Jaromir Jagr
Tuukka Rask is the greatest "Star Wars" name George Lucas never invented. Jagr is one of the hockey's true rock stars; it's only fitting his last name reads like shorthand for "Jagger."
Actual things region
No. 1 Hakan Loob vs. No. 16 Logan Couture
Born in Sweden and of Estonian descent, Hakan Loob (1983-89) is the rare "verb and noun" name in the NHL. Couture has played for the San Jose Sharks since 2010, who are appropriately one of the better-dressed teams in the NHL.
No. 2 Per Djoos vs. No. 15 Garth Snow
One of the most controversial decisions in the bracketing process was giving Djoos (1990-93) the No. 2 seed here, as he's won "best hockey name" competitions through the years. Perhaps just as controversial: The omission of his son Christian Djoos from the draw. Meanwhile, Garth Snow (1993-2006) is just an incredible ice hockey name.
No. 3 Roman Hamrlik vs. No. 14 Tie Domi
Defenseman Roman Hamrlik (1992-2013) is a parfait of awesome naming, from the Augustan first name through a last name that evokes a Black and Decker lollipop. Tahir "Tie" Domi was one of the NHL's most celebrated pugilists from 1989-2006.
No. 4 Ron Tugnutt vs. No. 13 Darren Rumble
An NHL goalie from 1987-2004, Tugnutt's nickname was "Tugger," as one might imagine. While perhaps not as evocative as his contemporary Jeff Beukeboom, a defenseman named "Rumble" (1990-2004) is pretty terrific.
No. 5 Bob Beers vs. No. 12 Bruce Shoebottom
A blue-collar hockey player named "Beers" is one of the greatest marriages between sport and moniker in human history, and this one's career spanned from 1989-97. If only his first name was "Bud" instead. Beers played for the Bruins, who also put out the welcome mat for Bruce Shoebottom from 1987-91.
No. 6 Garth Butcher vs. No. 11 Glen Featherstone
It's a shame the Jason Voorhees owns the "hockey mask and a machete" look, because if there was ever a fit for someone named "Garth Butcher," that's it; he played from 1981-95. Fellow defenseman Glen Featherstone played nine oxymoronic campaigns (1988-97) in the NHL.
No. 7 Tony Twist vs. No. 10 Jordin Tootoo
Twist was an enforcer from 1989-99 who infamously sued comics creator Todd McFarlane for naming a mobster "Tony Twist" in his "Spawn" comics. (And he won!) Jordin John Kudluk Tootoo is of Ukrainian and Inuit descent, and was the the first Inuk player to participate in an NHL game; overall, he appeared in 723 NHL games from 2003-17.
No. 8 David Legwand vs. No. 9 Clayton Stoner
David Legwand played the greatest length of his career (1998-2016) with the Nashville Predators. Clayton Stoner blazed through the NHL from 2009-17.