TAMPA, Fla. -- Buccaneers wide receiver Jalen McMillan, who returned last week for the first time since suffering three fractured vertebrae in his neck, said Monday that his doctor told him he was almost paralyzed.
"I mean, it was dark for me at first," said McMillan, speaking publicly for the first time since sustaining the injury Aug. 16. "First I felt good and I thought it was just a minor injury and then the doctor said I almost got paralyzed, so it kind of scared me a little bit. And then there was doubt too because I didn't know if I was going to be playing again."
It happened in the second preseason game at the Pittsburgh Steelers. McMillan leapt up to catch a pass from backup quarterback Teddy Bridgewater and fell awkwardly on the back of his head with his body folded in half. He was able to somehow walk off the field under his own power. He even joked with teammate Sterling Shepard. But that didn't reveal the full extent of his injuries, which coach Todd Bowles originally described as a "severe neck sprain."
McMillan had to wear a neck brace morning and night -- even while sleeping -- for 3½ months, only taking it off to bathe. He needed help to perform basic tasks for himself, which went against his natural inclination to be self-sufficient, but he learned to lean on his support system. When he was able to finally leave the house, the stares from people made him uncomfortable.
"I kept having to try to wake up with a positive attitude. At first, I didn't for like a week, two weeks, and I was just sad and depressed," said McMillan, whose family lives in California. "But then the mode switched, I was to wake up, do positive things, find small wins, celebrate small wins throughout the day. It took a lot. And just to get back to that moment, and to just vision and just to see what I could potentially do if I come back -- that's what I was thriving off of and just kept motivating myself off of."
"It's about embracing your journey really," McMillan said. "It sucked for me because people would tell me like, 'Oh, you're going to be back. Don't worry, you'll be fine.' But then again, in the back of my head it's like, 'I'm not sure if I'll be back, but I'm going to try to approach every day as if I am.' So it just took everything in me. It took waking up reading, finding new hobbies of mine, trying to explore different aspects of my life just so I could try to level up outside of football."
He went to a bookstore daily to read a new book. His favorites? "Billy Summers" by Stephen King, and "Dark Matter," by Blake Crouch. He also took up chess but didn't take too kindly to teammate Mike Evans beating him, so he switched to learning how to cook. And his family came to visit him when they could, doing activities like sunset boat rides.
"You want to learn something every day," McMillan said. "That's what I try to do just to feel brand-new when it came to just waking up, not sitting in my depressed mood, not being sad."
For weeks and weeks, it was the stair climber and the Peloton bike, before he could even think about running. Then he was cleared to return to practice Dec. 3, along with Evans, who sustained a broken collarbone in Week 7. Both players were activated off of injured reserve Dec. 10.
"When they cleared me, I was really, really emotional," McMillan said. "But during the game, I had seen the vision so many times that the ball -- just seeing the ball came natural just because I dreamed of it back. It feels normal. It felt like I didn't really miss a beat, just my head being in football and just every day being consistent in practice habits, I kind of approached every week like that as if I were playing so that when I came back it didn't feel different or alien."
In his first catch, he hauled in a 19-yard reception going across the field, which was initially ruled a touchdown before officials overturned it and determined he was down at the 1-yard line. But it set up a 1-yard touchdown run by running back Sean Tucker.
"I wanted it to be known that I'm still the same guy and I didn't really change. If anything, I got better and I'm back now," the 2024 third-round draft pick said.
Shepard said it speaks to McMillan's mental strength.
"You go through an injury like that, a lot of times, guys will come back and be hesitant to do things," Shepard said. "J-Mac picked up right where he left off and was able to go in there and make big plays for us the two times that he got the ball. We look forward to seeing what else he's able to do and how he's able to help this offense."
McMillan said he trusted his doctors when they told him he was fine, and he gained even more trust in his body after his first time going over the middle, which is a vulnerable place for receivers. Still, he recognizes his extraordinarily good fortune, and that things could have been much different. And for that, he's grateful.
"[The doctor] said, 'I have God on my side.' I'm just blessed," McMillan said. "I grew as a person, and I'm just honored to play this game. I want to give everything to this game."