Editor's note: This story was originally published on Dec. 23, 2022. On Sunday, Jayson Tatum scored 51 points in Boston's Game 7 win against Philadelphia.
JAYSON TATUM HAS replayed the two air balls he shot in the fourth quarter of the Boston Celtics' loss to the Golden State Warriors in Game 5 of the NBA Finals so many times he can tell you every last detail of the plays. From the way Andrew Wiggins and Kevon Looney were defending him to the footwork he used to set up his fadeaway from the elbow and the 3-pointer he'd confidently taken and made just a minute earlier.
The ball had come out of his hands just as he wanted it to. This was what he lived for.
"I thought [they were] going in," he says.
Then both shots fell a foot short.
The first air ball he shook off quickly. But the second one in the span of a few minutes was hard to reconcile. Tatum rarely shows what he's feeling on the court. He's stoic. But his disbelief at how his body had failed him was obvious as he ran back on defense.
He wasn't afraid of the moment.
"I was just exhausted," he says. "Mentally, physically. All the stress and pressure that I was putting on myself.
"I remember those plays vividly."
He's spent virtually every moment since thinking about them and why he and the Celtics came up short last June -- working to ensure it never happens again.
"Talent-wise, we were right there with them," Tatum says of the Warriors. "But you could tell that they had been there before. You could tell they didn't panic. They were just mentally tougher than we were and that's a hard pill to swallow."
The first few days after Golden State finished off the Celtics in Game 6, Tatum barely left his house. He left his phone on the counter, wandered around and moped. His mom cooked some food to cheer him up. His then 4-year-old son, Deuce, kept wanting to play. But he didn't want to eat or play just yet.
"Deuce gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me. Then my mom gave me a hug and I just broke down crying," Tatum says. "I felt like I let everybody down.
"I remember telling her just how tired I was and how hard it was, and I just kind of felt defeated."
Tatum had led the Celtics to the Finals with an all-time great playoff performance, winning series against Kevin Durant and the Brooklyn Nets, Giannis Antetokounmpo and the Milwaukee Bucks and Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat. He had been named the MVP of the Eastern Conference Finals and began the Finals with 13 assists in Game 1 -- the most for a player making his Finals debut -- as Boston took an early lead in the series.
But as the series wore on, he wore down.
He had been sleeping terribly. This stage had been everything he'd ever wanted. The chance to prove himself against the best and win a championship. And, for the most part, he'd met every challenge.
Then, with a chance to go up 3-2 in the series heading home to Boston, he had two air balls in the waning moments of the fourth quarter in Game 5.
All night he replayed them in his head as the Celtics flew across the country and tried to regroup for Game 6.
"I thought I was rested [for Game 6] but I played terrible then, too," Tatum says. "I didn't have any legs. I was breathing heavy."
It took awhile for him to admit his shortcomings to himself, let alone the world. Exhaustion felt like an excuse -- something a superstar is supposed to fight through (see: Flu game, Michael Jordan) or avoid altogether had he trained differently.
Celtics president of basketball operations Brad Stevens remembers a similar episode when Tatum worked out for the team in Boston before the 2017 draft.