WESTFIELD, Ind. -- Indianapolis Colts right tackle Braden Smith was unsure he'd ever be back on a football field while addressing severe obsessive-compulsive disorder last year.
"I was just trying to be alive this time this year," said Smith, who previously acknowledged that he contemplated suicide. "I wasn't thinking about anything. I just wanted to find joy in life and, for a while there, I didn't feel like I was ever going to find that again.
"So just being out here is just a plus for me."
Smith is back with the Colts and has retaken his place in the starting lineup after missing the final five games of last season while on the non-football illness list.
Smith later revealed that he spent 48 days in a treatment facility with mixed results in addressing OCD. After that, he traveled to a Mexican facility to undergo treatment with psychedelics, which he says led to a breakthrough.
But Smith returned to the Colts in the spring, and he seems to have found himself again. He said he feels healthier after dealing with a sore knee the past couple of seasons. And he is dialed in, which was hardly the case in the games he played last season.
"Last year, I was just kind of out there," he said. "I was going through the motions, but I didn't feel like that. It was that edge that players have, I didn't have that last year. I didn't feel that last year. This year, instead of obsessing over other things, I can obsess about my craft and turn a negative into a positive."
The Colts will have new starters at center and right guard this season, so the return of Smith gives them some much-needed stability on the right side of the offensive line. Smith, a Colts second-round pick in 2018, has always been a stout run blocker and has developed into a formidable pass protector, too.
He's entering the final season of what was originally a four-year, $70 million contract. Smith signed a restructured deal earlier this year that lowered his cap number and will pay him a reduced salary of $8 million.
He hasn't decided how long he'll play, but football is once again fun for the veteran.
"I just have a greater appreciation for things now," he said. "You take things for granted until those parts are kind of taken away from you and you don't realize how good you had it. And now I just have that greater appreciation just to be able to come out and play football, hang out with the guys and just every day is awesome."