Quinton de Kock had to walk away from his childhood dream of becoming an international cricketer to realise he hadn't quite fulfilled as much of it as he wanted. And he did it quietly.
After South Africa lost last year's T20 World Cup final in heart-wrenching fashion by seven runs to India, de Kock, in his words, "disappeared".
He hadn't retired from T20Is, hadn't said any goodbyes, and simply wasn't named in any of South Africa's squads. Rob Walter, now the former white-ball coach, spent press conference after press conference saying he hadn't spoken to de Kock and had no idea of his future plans until, eventually we stopped asking.
Everyone - with good reason - assumed, de Kock was done. He popped up in T20 leagues as one spring came and went, but by the time another arrived, de Kock had spent enough time in the cold.
"I missed the camaraderie and the whole thing of representing the Proteas," de Kock said in his first media interaction post-comeback. "I'd played so much for the Proteas over the years that I kind of forgot about that feeling, as a kid that's grown up to be a Proteas cricketer.
"After having a bit of a break from the team, that childhood dream came back."
Many players say this kind of thing when they walk away: the achievements will blur into the background and it's the friendships they'll miss. Some keep them going at league level, and de Kock has, but not many return to make new connections. De Kock has decided that's what he wants.
"What I've really enjoyed is all the new faces," he said. "There's only a handful of the guys who are still here from when I left. Now I'm playing with a whole bunch of youngsters, new guys, new coaching staff, so it's quite refreshing. I'm making some new friends now and there's a new style within the team."
Those words may sound strange to those, like many of us, for whom de Kock is still the uber-talented 20-year-old who burst into South Africa's squad in late 2012. But 13 years have passed, de Kock is 32 and is South Africa's 10th most-capped international across all formats. Not much has changed about his public persona - he still "just doesn't watch cricket," - and didn't say much about the women's team making their first ODI World Cup final, but he's no newbie. He is a senior and he intends to behave like one.
"Apart from trying to win games, I'm going to try to help youngsters grow in their careers. Obviously, I play a lot more international cricket than a couple of the guys on the team, so I'm just here to help them out where I can," he said. "When I started, one of the big guys that I stuck close to, and is now one of my very good friends is Dale Steyn.
"He taught me a couple of lessons along the way that really helped my career. A couple of the youngsters have been asking me questions and how to improve their game, so I'm happy to be here and help where I can, kind of like what Dale did for me. If I make an impact in their careers, it will be great. It's very different, me coming back as one of the older guys. I've always been used to being one of the young guys in the team. So it's a bit of a shell shock."
Equally, it will take some getting used to that de Kock, a former captain, is not guaranteed a place on reputation alone and he knows it. "I don't think the door is completely open for me," he said. "I still need to come here and score runs."
After only two matches, the comeback's sample size is small but de Kock hasn't had it all his way. He was out for 1 against Namibia earlier this month and made a good-looking 23 off 13 balls against Pakistan in the first T20I. Both times, he sliced the ball to fielders, which may indicate a little patience is required. De Kock's time away, mostly spent as father to a young daughter, is likely to have taught him some. With the calendar head, he has more than enough matches to show it.
South Africa play two more T20Is against Pakistan followed by three ODIs. Then, after two Tests in India (which won't feature de Kock), they will play three ODIs and five T20Is in India in preparation for next year's T20 World Cup. If de Kock is included in the India series, it would be a strong sign that he is being considered for the World Cup, but he isn't thinking that way yet.
South Africa are also co-hosts with Zimbabwe and Namibia for the 2027 ODI World Cup. Now that de Kock has reversed the ODI retirement he announced in 2023, he will also be eligible to play in that event.
"When I spoke to Shukri [Conrad, head coach], I said I'd like to play for as long as I can, however long that's going to be. Obviously, I'd like to play in a couple of World Cups in that timeline," he said. "I said to him 'Look, I've disappeared for a year or two but now I'm back to play for as long as I can. I'm still pretty fit. I feel fitter than ever at the moment. My body feels great, so I'm going to push it for as long as I can. I haven't set a deadline or timeline."