New Zealand 224 for 6 (Mitchell 78*, Bracewell 51, Carse 3-45) beat England 223 (Brook 135, Overton 46, Foulkes 4-41, Duffy 3-66) by four wickets
There was a strong westerly wind blowing across the Bay Oval on Sunday afternoon. If you happened to cock your ear to the breeze during the first hour of play, you would have heard - clear as day - the sound of mocking laughter, floating across the Tasman Sea and down through the shires of Hobbiton.
In a contest billed as the official start of the Ashes phoney war, England's Australia-bound top-order produced a stunning false start. Jamie Smith, Ben Duckett, Joe Root and Jacob Bethell - Ashes bankers, bolters and, as the Aussies might now contend, bottlers - all found themselves caught up in a catastrophic collapse of 10 for 4 in 5.1 overs that was precisely as serious as the discourse that it will generate.
Jos Buttler soon joined the procession at 33 for 5, and it was a measure of the nonsensical scenario that - when Sam Curran nicked off at 56 for 6, to become the fourth wicket of Zak Foulkes' remarkable maiden spell in ODI cricket - the time back home in the UK, thanks to the peculiarities of daylight-saving, was 1.59am: in other words, one minute prior to the contest's original start-time.
New Zealand duly wrapped up victory with time to spare as well, by four wickets and with 80 balls left unused, thanks to Michael Bracewell's run-a-ball 51 and a 91-ball 78 from Daryl Mitchell that had to surmount its own dicey circumstances at 24 for 3, courtesy of Luke Wood and Brydon Carse's new-ball breakthroughs - including a first-baller on his return to action for the great Kane Williamson, his first in 15 years of ODIs.
And yet, the game would scarcely have outlasted one of last week's rained-off T20Is had it not been for Harry Brook - England's white-ball captain, Test vice-captain-elect, and a man in no mood to let circumstance dictate his game-plan. His response to his team's extreme adversity was a startling lone-wolf innings of 135 from 101 balls that turned an impending humiliation into an almost serviceable total of 223 in 35.2 overs.
It was Brook's fourth century in the country, following his three hundreds across two previous Test tours, and - given the circumstances - it was more extraordinary even than his 186 at Wellington in 2023 which, for those who witnessed that onslaught, is saying something.
Brook scored each of his first 36 runs in boundaries, en route to a total of nine fours and 11 sixes. The latter included three in a row off Jacob Duffy to reach his hundred from 82 balls, and four more thereafter, as he juiced 80 runs from England's final two wickets in an innings in which just one other batter scored more than 6.
That man was Jamie Overton, who contributed 46 from 54 balls in a seventh-wicket stand of 87 that wrested the momentum back from New Zealand, after Foulkes and Matt Henry had rumbled their way through 15 new-ball overs in a row. His performance had distinct echoes of a previous tussle with New Zealand - on Test debut in 2022, when he had arrived at a near-identical 55 for 6 and partnered Jonny Bairstow with a career-best 97.
Once again, Overton fell short of a milestone in this innings, as he chipped a Duffy slower ball to cover, whereupon Carse joined the procession of Ashes-bound players by cutting his first ball straight to the returning Williamson at point. Brook, by then, had had one key let-off on 63, when Rachin Ravindra dropped a fast-travelling slog-sweep at square leg, but the power and clarity of his subsequent onslaught took the breath away.
And to think Mitchell Santner hadn't even been sure whether bowling first was the sensible option. Henry's first ball of the match immediately laid any doubts to rest as he wrecked Smith's first outing of the winter with a perfect stump-rattling inducker, one that deserved to rouse a few memories of Rory Burns' catastrophic start to the 2021-22 Ashes proper.
Foulkes then ripped into the contest with the first-over wickets of Duckett, caught flinching outside off for 2, and Root, who stepped into a wild drive and was also bowled by lavish seam movement. Two Foulkes overs later, Bethell too had his off stump plucked out by a jaffa, and there seemed no earthly way for England's innings to pull out of its death spiral.
Brook, though, had other ideas. His 135 out of 223 comprised 60.53% of England's innings, a new record that outdid Robin Smith's legendary 167 not out against Australia in 1993 - which, coincidentally was another mighty knock that was unable to stave off ultimate defeat.
England gave it a good crack, mind you. Carse, a star of last year's Test-series win in New Zealand, matched Foulkes with two wickets in his opening over as Will Young was bowled by an inswinging yorker for 5 before Williamson snicked a first-ball snorter through to Buttler behind the stumps.
Luke Wood then did for a free-flowing Ravindra, well caught by Overton at second slip as the bowler - remarkably - claimed his first List A wicket since 2019. And when Carse fired a wobble-seam delivery into Tom Latham's shin for 24, New Zealand were 66 for 4 and in clear danger of frittering away their unbelievable start.
Bracewell and Mitchell turned the tide in a fifth-wicket stand of 92, though they needed some luck along the way. Bracewell was dropped at slip on 2 by Root, in Overton's opening over, while Mitchell had an even more glaring let-off on 33, when Wood at backward point dropped a sitter of a reverse-sweep off the legspin of Adil Rashid.
With the requirement under control, however, New Zealand were able to play well within themselves - at least until Bracewell needlessly ran himself out with 66 still needed, whereupon Mitchell ramped New Zealand's first six over fine leg to signal the final charge. Santner added two more in quick succession off Rashid before holing out to long-on for 27, but Mitchell launched the winning hit over backward square.
The fireworks, and the talking points, however, had long since been and gone.
