I still can't bring myself to watch it.
It's 12 years ago but feels like yesterday. The Swans' 2006 Grand Final defeat to West Coast still burns so strongly that I haven't been able to watch the entire game.
I can still feel the slight breeze pushing across me as I missed two vital shots on goal when we were starting to build momentum against our fierce rivals from that era. I remember wanting the bury myself in the middle of the MCG as soon as the final siren sounded. I can still hear the echo of the West Coast celebrations in the changerooms after the game as we sat in deathly silence after the one-point defeat. And I still remember trying to numb the pain with alcohol over the following weeks, but never being able to shake the feeling of such acute disappointment.
It's mortifying, particularly in a close game because afterwards, you go over all the little moments and every mistake, every half-chance you failed to take, is magnified. It is soul-destroying.
That is what it feels like to lose a Grand Final. And it's something that either Collingwood or West Coast players will have to experience at the end of this Saturday's decider.
It's something every beaten Grand Finalist has to go through. And it can either galvanise a group or fracture it, depending on how the whole club - players, coaches, staff members, the board, everyone -- responds. It's something that the handful of West Coast players who suffered a Grand Final smashing from Hawthorn in 2015 will draw on. Redemption doesn't come around often and if they fail again on the big stage, it could shatter some careers.
I remember someone once telling me that Grand Finals can either be the best day of your life or the worst. I can attest to that. I am so grateful that I played at a strong club that allowed me to taste the ultimate success twice, but the pain of that 2006 defeat will never go away. I shudder to ponder what it would be like to experience that without the slight sugar-coating of comfort two premiership medallions offer.
I'm not alone, either. I know in chatting with a few former Geelong players about the Grand Final they unexpectedly lost to Hawthorn in 2008. Even though most of those guys ended up multiple premiership players, that upset defeat still really burns in them and they're not completely over it.
As a player, it wasn't until I got a chance to run around in a game the following year that I got some sort of closure on the 2006 loss, although the fact I haven't watched the game in full all these years later shows the pain has never completely left me.
Those two Grand Finals against West Coast were epic. Objectively, considering that between September 2005 and March 2007 we played six times for a cumulative winning margin of just 13 points, it's fair that we each won one of those deciders.
I will watch the full 2006 Grand Final one day -- I was going to watch it ahead of writing this column but it's still too painful -- but until then, I'll stick to re-watching the 2005 and 2012 wins!